For parents of children with autism, comfort comes in talking with others who understand their struggles.
A new book in the Chicken Soup for the Soul series speaks to families who are raising children "on the spectrum," with 101 stories from parents who have been there, including one by Christine Bakter of Haddonfield.
In it, she describes a life-changing trip to the Barnegat Lighthouse with her two sons, both of whom have autism. The youngest, Ben (then 5 years old), flew up the stairs, exhilarated by the height and the view. Her oldest, Alex (then 8), was afraid of heights and didn't participate.
The following summer, though, Bakter seized the opportunity of an early morning at the Cape Henry Lighthouse at Virginia Beach to work with Alex to overcome his fears. Coaxing him with the promise of a swim afterwards, they climbed the light together, despite Alex's strenuous opposition. Alex was thrilled to arrive at the top, and when it was over, he thanked her. She received "a very rare hug."
Bakter calls the lighthouses her family has climbed more than 20 in the six years since beacons of hope. She sees them as symbols of her sons' triumphs over autism. New Jersey has one of the highest documented rates of autism, with one of every 49 children in the state and one in 29 boys diagnosed by their eighth birthday, according to the federal Centers for Disease Control. The rate doubled in six years, leading researchers to call it an epidemic rate of increase.
Bakter's story is included in a section of the book focused on family relationships. Others focus on the "A-word," the moment parents first learn of their child's diagnosis, experiences with school, and the idiosyncrasies of such children, which can give rise to surprising talents and quirky obsessions.
One story tells of a mother's trip to the Home Depot to try to find supplies to build a fountain in her yard to satisfy her son's fascination with circulating water. The store ended up giving her everything she needed. Another is in the form of a letter a mother wrote to her son's first public-school teacher. "That's a seven-tissue story," said Nancy Burrows, one of the book's co-authors.
Burrows and Mary Beth Marsden, who blogs on the site "Real Look Autism," came up with the idea for the book a few years ago, and connected with the publishers of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series. The Connecticut company has published scores of titles, with more than 100 million books sold, on subjects ranging from hope and healing during breast-cancer treatment to teen relationships.
In all, the co-authors gathered more than 600 contributions, which they whittled down to those collected in the book. Bakter is the only New Jersey author. The stories included cover parenting issues for children ranging from infants to adults. Through their variety, Bakter said, they convey how each child on the spectrum has a unique set of talents and non-typical behaviors.
The authors hope the book will serve as a portable support group. "There's a big difference between Googling 'autism' on the Internet and reading 101 stories from parents who have already been there," said Burrows, who said she wished she could have had the book when her now 11-year-old son was diagnosed.
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Autism stories: A support group in the page of a book