Coronavirus, N.S. mass shooting put spotlight on domestic violence. Heres how to talk about it – Global News

Posted May 30, 2020 8:00 am

-A

A+

Between the coronavirus pandemic and the attack directly preceding the worst mass murder in modern Canadian history, domestic violence which accounts for one in five murders in Canada and kills women at a rate 4.5 times higher than men has been thrust squarely in the spotlight.

A pandemic within a pandemic, as many have taken to writing.

Despite the attention, Dr. Kari Sampsel, an emergency room doctor and medical director of the sexual assault and partner abuse care program at the Ottawa Hospital, says theres still a long way to go toward destigmatizing conversations about intimate partner violence. She says we need to normalize those conversations if were going to more effectively intervene.

Story continues below advertisement

Im trying very hard to get the word out that its OK to ask.

If youve ever thought somebody near you was being abused but you didnt know where to start, there are many people like Sampsel who stand ready to help.

Theres no shame in needing an assist navigating the conversation, says Karen Mason, co-founder of Supporting Survivors of Abuse and Brain Injury through Research (SOAR).

Its taking us a really long time to get beyond that very embedded, old-school notion that what happens in someones household is their own business, Mason says.

That conversation blocker is often compounded by uncertainty over what to say, she says an uncertainty that isnt limited to brothers, sisters, friends or neighbours.

Story continues below advertisement

Lawyers, judges, doctors, nurses and other professionals need education and training, too, Mason says, because ultimately, no matter who you are or where you work, we really need to not be bystanders. We need to care for each other.

Domestic violence is a social problem involving whole communities, says Angela Marie MacDougall, executive director of Battered Womens Support Services (BWSS) in B.C.

What we tend to do is treat each of these incidents as standing alone, as individual incidents, MacDougall says. They are, but they are also part of the social-cultural fabric within Canadian society.

More people seem alert to that reality lately, she says. At BWSS, the crisis line is fielding more calls than usual from family, friends, co-workers and neighbours worried someone they know has been stuck at home indefinitely with their abuser.

[ Sign up for our Health IQ newsletter for the latest coronavirus updates ]

If you want to broach the subject, Dalya Israel, executive director of the WAVAW Rape Crisis Centre, recommends frontloading your questions.

Say things like: I know it can be really scary to talk about violence that youve experienced, but I want you to know that Im a safe person.

Story continues below advertisement

Or: I understand that no violence is anybodys fault, but Id like to offer you care.

Mason recommends peppering your sentences with supportive reminders: You didnt deserve this, Its not your fault, Are you safe? or What can I do to support you?

Both Mason and Israel agree language is key.

Trending Stories

Monkeys escape lab with COVID-19 samples in Planet of the Apes breakout

B.C. women receive threatening letters after sunbathing topless in their backyard

The way that somebody responds the first time that folks disclose is so crucial to the trajectory of how they will continue down the road towards healing and justice, says Israel.

With that in mind, she says its best not to respond with how you want to get this person or commit any sort of retaliatory acts.

Not everybody can afford to have the person whos harming them disappear from their world, Israel says. It could cost some people their homes, community and other social supportsand even custody of their children.

Story continues below advertisement

Kristi Yuris, program manager at the Ending Violence Association of B.C., says the best thing you can do is make it clear your support will be ongoing.

Survivors who are in these kinds of relationships often feel a lot of pressure from friends and family, from society, to leave, Yuris says. But, she adds, they might not be ready to have that conversation.

Getting the conversation right takes time, says Sampsel particularly in the medical setting.

You can be ships passing in the wind, so to speak, when youre coming back and forth from all the things youre doing, she says. Its a big part of the reason why Sampsel plugs programs like her own: theyre designed for time.

Story continues below advertisement

In an ideal world, she says there would be true universal screening in health-care settings, meaning no matter what treatment a person comes in for they would be asked questions about their safety and experiences with violence as part of a medical history.

We would pick up so many more people than we currently do because we dont ask.

In the legal sphere, Vicky Law says one of the reasons people dont ask is discomfort, likely exacerbated by a lack of mandatory training.

These issues are complex and nuanced, and it takes a nuanced approach to ask these questions and catch their red flags, says Law, a lawyer with Rise Womens Legal Centre.

That uncertainty over how to ask whether to ask is further compounded by what to do with the information when a person does disclose, Law says.

Another reason why we dont ask these questions is because the legal system itself is not a safe place for women to disclose violence, she says.

In some cases, such disclosures have been met with an attack on the persons character or accusations theyre lying, or theyre just downright not believed.

Story continues below advertisement

Its important to remember just how expansive the issue of violence is, says Tracie Afifi, a professor at the University of Manitoba and associate editor of Child Abuse & Neglect.

Violence against women and children is a big problem in Canada, and often people dont realize its a problem here, they think maybe its a problem in different countries, Afifi says.

But Canada is not immune. One in every four police-reported violent crimes is domestic violence, a woman is killed by her intimate partner on average every six days and those are statistics that predate COVID-19.

Based on consultations with front-line providers across the country, the federal government has noted a 20 to 30 per cent average increase in demand for organizations that support victims of gender-based violence, such as shelters and crisis lines. BWSS, where MacDougall works, has reported a 400 per cent increase in calls since mid-March.

The pandemic requires Canada to innovate, says Afifi, to adjust and make sure that interventions dont put families, already isolated because of physical distancing, at further risk for violence.

Story continues below advertisement

We need to think of ways to keep people safe.

In fall 2019, as we approached the 30th anniversary of the cole Polytechnique massacre, Global News took an in-depth look at the ways in which violence against women has and hasnt improved in the decades since.

You can find the full project here.

If you or someone you know is experiencing gender-based violence, these resources can help.

With files from the Canadian Press

jane.gerster@globalnews.ca

@Jane_Gerster

2020 Global News, a division of Corus Entertainment Inc.

Read more:
Coronavirus, N.S. mass shooting put spotlight on domestic violence. Heres how to talk about it - Global News