IT is something every woman goes through but the menopause is still shrouded in stigma.
Particularly when it comes to how it affects our libido. That is why comedian Jenny Eclair, 60, has written Older And Wider: A Survivors Guide To The Menopause. Out on Thursday, it is a laugh-out-loud, no-holds-barred account of what it is like to go through The Change.
5
Jenny says: Us ladies have changed. We no longer wear hats and girdles, were letting it all hang out. And were no longer whispering behind closed doors about our down-theres. The conversation has begun and, as long as women continue to wake up feeling weepy in a soaking nightie at 3am, its in everyones interests to listen.
Here, in an exclusive extract from the book, Jenny reveals how sex can change in menopause and how men can help...
5
"There are huge numbers of women who are going through the menopause without an other half and many of these will be going solo by choice. But having someone by your side at this time can be a massive help. As long as that someone isnt a bit of a tw*t.
Fact: All women who are lucky enough to live long enough will eventually become menopausal; this might be tricky for their other half to come to terms with but, guess what? We never saw the receding hairline, expanding waistline and nose/ear hair coming, either.
So lets cut each other slack here. Growing old is messy for everyone. Most couples are in the same boat and you can either take an oar each and work as a team, or get out. All we really want is someone to make things feel better.
Sometimes this can be achieved with some-thing as simple as a cup of tea in bed, a nice (non-gropey) hug or a small bunch of flowers. We just want someone who is on our side and will bat for us like they really mean it, and wont ever tell us our best dress looks a bit tight.
5
In my partners case, what unnerved him the most was that I became very weepy and un-confident. He could deal with the swearing and the pot-banging, but he didnt know what to do with the new, snivelling me. I reckon hormone-replacement therapy saved not just my sanity, but my career and my relationship.
And both of us are just so hugely relieved that its available and Im medically compatible with it. Feeling sexy throughout the menopause is easier for those who are blessed with high self-esteem and a great body, but for those of us who are plagued even at the best of times with insecurity and flab issues, the menopause can wreak havoc with how we feel about ourselves sexually.
Every night, up and down the country, thousands of men and women pretend to be fast asleep in case the other half should get ideas. How you get around this predicament is up to you.
For a number of women, the problem is a simple case of feeling too physically tired to bother and they find that if they just give it a go a bit like exercise its not that bad and by the time its all over theyve rather enjoyed it, and might even do it again next week.
5
But try and keep the conversation suitably sexy. For example, its very bad form to interrupt the flow by suddenly asking, Did you remember to put the bins out? Weirdly, in 2020, publicly admitting to not enjoying sex is one of the last taboos.
We are oh, so tolerant of everything else but fall down when it comes to acknowledging that for many people, sex is just not their thing. A bit like golf. Of course, as with golf, if you dont like it and your partner really does, you do run the risk of him going off and playing with someone else.
This is something you have to weigh up. Some couples can survive extra-marital golf playing, others cant. Why cant they play golf on their own? I hear you cry. Exactly, but if that is the solution, then you cant complain if you come home one day and find him practising his swing in the sitting room.
My friends fall into many camps when it comes to sex. Some find no longer having to worry about using contraception incredibly liberating and take full advantage of their new-found infertility. But with a few exceptions, most arent as rampant as they used to be.
5
Although, that said, HRT has put the sparkle back into the duvet doldrums for some. The truth is, whilst lots of middle-aged women are happily enjoying a healthy sex life, there are millions doing the deed through gritted teeth and faking orgasms as quickly as possible.
Because, for them, the alternative is unbearable actually owning up to the truth of not really enjoying it and having to deal with any possible sulking and recrimination. This isnt fair but, as a mate of mine once said to me, I hate having to defrost the freezer but now and again that needs doing too.
Women feel hugely guilty about not fancying sex, but the fact is that some of us couldnt care less if we never did it again. All couples have their way of showing each other they care and, whilst for some this includes a regular, healthy bonk, for others its picking up their partner from the airport at 4am without whining.
Fortunately, I reckon the vast majority of couples reach some tacit, silent agreement that sex is something that is inevitably going to happen less frequently, but that its nothing to get your knickers in a twist over. In any case, its quality and not quantity that really counts. We all know you dont need a partner to have a sex life theres no age limit for masturbation.
Exclusive
There is nothing wrong with a bit of self-love, though as an audience member once told me during a show, the only drawback to providing your own sexual pleasure is when the arthritis kicks in before youve finished.
GOT a story? RING The Sun on 0207 782 4104 or WHATSAPP on 07423720250 or EMAILexclusive@the-sun.co.uk
Originally posted here:
Heres how sex can change in menopause and what men can do to help - The Sun
- Bio Identical Hormone replacement therapy "alternative medicine" OMT - June 1st, 2010 [June 1st, 2010]
- Healthbeat - Hormone Replacement Therapy - August 5th, 2010 [August 5th, 2010]
- Does Hormone Replacement Therapy increase breast cancer risks? - August 11th, 2010 [August 11th, 2010]
- Hormone replacement therapy increases risk of cancer - October 20th, 2010 [October 20th, 2010]
- Hormone Replacement Therapy Risky For Women - October 20th, 2010 [October 20th, 2010]
- Can Hormone Replacement Therapy Lead To Breast Cancer? - January 31st, 2011 [January 31st, 2011]
- Women Turning To Holistic Hormone Replacement Therapy - February 18th, 2011 [February 18th, 2011]
- Is Hormone Replacement Therapy Dangerous? - March 17th, 2011 [March 17th, 2011]
- Hormone Replacement Therapy Complications - May 8th, 2011 [May 8th, 2011]
- Hormone Replacement Therapy - May 10th, 2011 [May 10th, 2011]
- The New Growth Hormone Replacement Therapy - John Crisler, DO - May 13th, 2011 [May 13th, 2011]
- Suzanne Somers on hormone therapy for menopause, part 2 of 6 - May 20th, 2011 [May 20th, 2011]
- Symptoms of Menopause (Menopause #2) - May 20th, 2011 [May 20th, 2011]
- How to Relieve Menopause Symptoms : Hormonal Replacement Therapy for Menopause - May 20th, 2011 [May 20th, 2011]
- HRT - Hormone Replacement Therapy - May 20th, 2011 [May 20th, 2011]
- What is hormone replacement therapy? - May 20th, 2011 [May 20th, 2011]
- Hormone Replacement Therapy and Breast Cancer - May 20th, 2011 [May 20th, 2011]
- Natural Treatments Instead of Hormone Replacement Therapy - May 20th, 2011 [May 20th, 2011]
- Suzanne Somers on hormone therapy for menopause, part 1 of 6 - May 23rd, 2011 [May 23rd, 2011]
- Hormone Replacement Therapy for post-menopausal women - June 19th, 2011 [June 19th, 2011]
- Joe Rogan talking about hormone replacement therapy 6-14-2011 - June 25th, 2011 [June 25th, 2011]
- Hormone Replacement Therapy and Weight - June 25th, 2011 [June 25th, 2011]
- HRC Hormone Replacement Therapy - June 25th, 2011 [June 25th, 2011]
- Study Hormone Replacement Therapy Increases Breast Cancer Risk - kdka.com - June 25th, 2011 [June 25th, 2011]
- 020 - Neo Hormones - July 1st, 2011 [July 1st, 2011]
- Making Sense of Hormone Replacement Therapy - July 28th, 2011 [July 28th, 2011]
- HRT MTF Transition Report Week 10 - July 29th, 2011 [July 29th, 2011]
- Hormone Replacement - Part 2 - July 30th, 2011 [July 30th, 2011]
- Hormone Replacement - Part 1 - July 30th, 2011 [July 30th, 2011]
- Goldie Lookin Chain - HRT - August 9th, 2011 [August 9th, 2011]
- Natural Hormone Replacement Therapy - September 23rd, 2011 [September 23rd, 2011]
- Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT): Optimizing Clinical Outcomes - Michael Aziz, MD - September 24th, 2011 [September 24th, 2011]
- Thyroid Replacement Therapy - Ronald Rothenberg, MD - September 24th, 2011 [September 24th, 2011]
- Dr. Ralph Turner discusses Hormone Replacement Therapy. - September 24th, 2011 [September 24th, 2011]
- 1 year on HRT - September 24th, 2011 [September 24th, 2011]
- The Wiley Protocol - September 24th, 2011 [September 24th, 2011]
- My Journal with Low Testosterone TRT Replacement Therapy - September 24th, 2011 [September 24th, 2011]
- 12 years of HRT: My Transition in photos - September 24th, 2011 [September 24th, 2011]
- Dr. Steven Jepson talks about Bio-identical Hormone Replacment Therapy - September 25th, 2011 [September 25th, 2011]
- Estradiol Valerate Injection HRT (Part 3)of(3) - September 25th, 2011 [September 25th, 2011]
- Study: Post-Menopausal Hormone Therapy Increases Cancer Risk - September 25th, 2011 [September 25th, 2011]
- Bio-identical Hormone Replacement (anti-aging) Therapy - Westchase, Tampa, Florida - September 25th, 2011 [September 25th, 2011]
- natural hormone replacement - September 28th, 2011 [September 28th, 2011]
- 6 Month Hormone Effects (before and after) - September 28th, 2011 [September 28th, 2011]
- Jeff Life, MD - Cenegenics, Hormone Replacement Therapy - September 29th, 2011 [September 29th, 2011]
- Huge - September 30th, 2011 [September 30th, 2011]
- Transsexual hormones,Intramuscular injection, Progynon Depot,Estradiol - October 2nd, 2011 [October 2nd, 2011]
- Dr Whiting on Menopause and the Dangers of HRT - October 12th, 2011 [October 12th, 2011]
- Ahuviya Harel (ADF-Fuensalida) to Start Hormone Replacement Therapy - October 13th, 2011 [October 13th, 2011]
- Clomid Defined - Video - October 14th, 2011 [October 14th, 2011]
- Thyroid Hormone Replacement Therapy - Dr. Denis Rebic - Video - October 14th, 2011 [October 14th, 2011]
- Hormone Replacement Therapy - Video - October 14th, 2011 [October 14th, 2011]
- Dr. Pamela Smith - Bio-Identical Hormone Replacement - Video - October 15th, 2011 [October 15th, 2011]
- Jasper Carrott - Traffic - October 22nd, 2011 [October 22nd, 2011]
- VIDEO: Breast Cancer, Hormone Replacement Therapy Connection - Video - October 24th, 2011 [October 24th, 2011]
- Menopause and Hormone Replacement Therapy with Dr. Sulak - Video - October 24th, 2011 [October 24th, 2011]
- Menopause - October 24th, 2011 [October 24th, 2011]
- bio identical hormone replacement therapy raleigh durcham chaepl hill north carolina - Video - October 24th, 2011 [October 24th, 2011]
- Endocrine Related Hair Loss, Can Hormone Replacement Therapy Help Treat This? Friedman - Video - October 24th, 2011 [October 24th, 2011]
- Dr. Navarro Discusses Bio Identical Hormone Replacement Therapy - Video - October 24th, 2011 [October 24th, 2011]
- Hormone Replacement Therapy by the Book - Eldred Taylor, MD - Video - October 24th, 2011 [October 24th, 2011]
- Sangeeta Pati, MD, FACOG, discusses Hormone Replacement - Video - October 24th, 2011 [October 24th, 2011]
- Active Center's Dr. Gross Discusses Bio-Identical Hormone Replacement Therapy on NEWS 12 NJ - Video - October 28th, 2011 [October 28th, 2011]
- DALLAS ANTI-AGING MEDICINE BIO-IDENTICAL HORMONE THERAPY - Video - October 29th, 2011 [October 29th, 2011]
- Hormone Replacement Therapy and Menopause in Women - Video - November 8th, 2011 [November 8th, 2011]
- Amberen - Natural HRT Alternative Commercial - Video - November 9th, 2011 [November 9th, 2011]
- The Dangers of HRT - Video - November 11th, 2011 [November 11th, 2011]
- The Benefits and Risks of Male Hormone Replacement Therapy - Video - November 16th, 2011 [November 16th, 2011]
- Natural Menopause Treatment - Herbal HRT Alternative - Video - November 23rd, 2011 [November 23rd, 2011]
- Dr. Ian Thorneycroft - Hormone Replacement Therapy - Video - November 24th, 2011 [November 24th, 2011]
- Sarah,MTF Transgender 3months HRT - Video - November 24th, 2011 [November 24th, 2011]
- 26. ftm 1 month on t - Video - November 24th, 2011 [November 24th, 2011]
- Dr. Quint Jardine - Hormone Replacement Therapy with Pellets - Video - November 24th, 2011 [November 24th, 2011]
- 6 Month Changes MTF HRT - Video - November 24th, 2011 [November 24th, 2011]
- Medical Mondays: Will hormone replacement therapy increase my risk of breast cancer? - Video - December 6th, 2011 [December 6th, 2011]
- HRT EXPERIENCES NOT ALL GOOD - Video - December 8th, 2011 [December 8th, 2011]
- Sarah, MTF transgender 9 months HRT - Video - December 9th, 2011 [December 9th, 2011]
- Full: Effect of Testosterone Replacement Therapy on Prostate Tissue in Men with Late-Onset Hypogonadism (Dramatic Health) - Video - December 10th, 2011 [December 10th, 2011]
- Suzanne Somers on hormone therapy for menopause, part 3 of 6 - Video - December 11th, 2011 [December 11th, 2011]
- 1 Year HRT MTF Transition - Video - December 12th, 2011 [December 12th, 2011]