Jermichael Finley Says Leaving Football Is Hard But Coming Back … – Deadspin

Last week, after former Ravens linebacker Zach Orr announced he hoped to return to the NFL just five months after retiring with a congenital spine condition, ex-Packer Jermichael Finley said that Orrs story hits very close to home.

Finley played six seasons as a tight end in Green Bay but retired following the 2013 season, at age 27, after he sustained a concussion and a serious neck injury in a span of four weeks. In May, Finley wrote an essay for The Players Tribune in which he detailed the circumstances of his concussion history, his career-ending injuries, his retirement, and the hardships of the adjustment to post-football living. Finley has since expanded on that essay in interviews with NPR and ESPN.

I spoke to Finley by phone this week. What follows is a transcript of our conversation, which has been edited and condensed for clarity.

Why does Zach Orrs situation hit so close to home for you?

Hes coming back to the NFL, especially with a spinal cord injuryits not like its an ACL or a knee sprain, or things like that you can come back from. A spinal cord injury scares me. I went through it. I know the details behind the rehab. I know the details behind the long nights, the long days, the stressful days. Him coming back worries me because like we all say, were one hit away from an injury as it is, then you come with a neck injury, youre one injury away from never walking again. It just scares me, man.

Orr told an interviewer he chose to retire after only one doctor told him his condition put him at a greater risk for serious injury. This contradicts what he said during his retirement press conference in January. Are you surprised hes had people telling him hes OK to play five months after he retired?

My thing is, what type of people is he talking to? Is he talking to family members that may be mooching off him his whole life, or is he talking to a doctor with a lot of pride, and a doctor thats done his surgeryyou know what I mean?that just wants him out there just to say, This is my guy; I helped him get healthy? Or are they looking out for his best outlook? He did have a spinal cord injury [Ed. note: A late-season neck injury is what led doctors to discover that Orrs C1 vertebra at the top of his spinal cord was not fully formed]. I can tell you: The injury hes coming back from, its not good, man.

You were obviously groomed to play football your whole life, and theres a culture in the NFL of playing through pain, through injuries, even serious ones. How difficult was it for you to make the decision to retire when you did?

It was very tough, man. I went through a lot of talks with a lady that took care of me my whole life, and thats my grandmother. I talked to her a lot, I talked to my wife a lot. And really, the eye in the sky dont lie, and thats the scans, the MRIs, the CAT scans, and things like that. They dont lie. I took [team] visits. I had Seattle, I had the Patriots, I had all them guys on my coattails, and I got an MRI, and the Seahawks came back and said, Youre not healthy. We cant put you in danger like that. And after that I kind of like backed up a little bit, like, Is it worth it? Is it even worth it to push back with this neck injury? I had a sense of humbleness hit me over a week after I went to Seattle, and I was like, Yeah, I might have to sit down and enjoy life and work on my post-career. And thats what Im doing now. And Im very content doing it.

Given teams reluctance to take a chance on you after your neck injury, do you think it will be difficult for Zach Orr to get a team to take a chance on him?

I think its going to be tough. Zach is a great guy; Ive followed him in the NFLawesome, awesome guy. But at the end of the day, the league has their butts to cover, and teams have their butts to cover, so I think its going to be difficult for him to get on a team. Especially with all the head injuries, the settlements thats coming out. Its going to be very tough for any guy that had a neck or head injury to get back in the NFL from this point on.

Nick Collins went through something similar when you were a teammate of his. Did that influence your decision or your thinking at the time?

It did, man. Thats crazy you say that. With Nick being out, it was like, Aw, man. A great player, three-time Pro Bowler, great dadall them things that he is. Im like, man, I can do this, too. Nick Collins very much so influenced me to do what I did. Big time.

Youve mentioned in a few interviews that your agent, Blake Baratz, suggested you get a $10 million insurance policy while you were playing, and that you received a payout in that amount, tax-free, after you retired. That obviously helped you get ready for your post-football life, but why wouldnt every player get a policy like that? Also, when exactly did you get the policy?

I actually got it when I started my big deal [in 2012]. We were at a casual dinner, and all of a sudden, [Baratz] said, You need to get an insurance policy because the way your game is, you play it reckless. That was my style of play; it wasnt running out of bounds. My thing was finding contact. He said, We need to get you a disability policy. And then so it happened when I was on the last year of my deal, I went to the max disability policy you can get. But you have to spend X amount of dollars to get it. Thats why players dont get it, because youve got fork over [a lot of money] up front. Its a gamble. Its like a black hole; youve got to throw it in there and see what comes out.

Youve been outspoken about the league and about teams putting pressure on players to return from injuries. How prevalent is that, and how much of that did you encounter that when you played?

Man, I know coaches read my posts and read the things that come out. I was one of them guys that hated coming out when I was injured. I didnt even want the training staff to even touch me unless I was on the ground like I was when I was [temporarily] paralyzed. Then you come out. But if its an ankle, knee injuryIm one of them guys that Im going to find a way, and Im going to be on that field, 100 percent. I really wasnt a guy to really say nothing about a head injury or to say anything as far as My knee is swelled up. Im going to find a way. I had a doctor; we called him a mastermind, hes got magic. Id call that guy, and Id be back out there next Sunday, without the training staff even knowing.

Did teams put any pressure on players and coaches, or even the trainers themselves, to ignore injuries or to keep them to themselves in some way?

Im not going to say ignoring, but the coaches put the pressure on the training staff, like, What the hell is going on? Why isnt he back? Why is he not healthy? We need him on the field this Sunday. You know what I mean? If someone tells you thats not going on, theyre a bald-faced liar. Its a business. Its a money deal.

There was a recent lawsuit (much of which was dismissed) that alleged teams gave out painkillers like candy, and ex-players like Eugene Monroe have written and talked openly about the cavalier use of painkillers in the NFL. Did you observe any of that or encounter it yourself?

The crazy part is I really wasnt a pill-popper-type of guy. I really didnt see things like that occur, especially in a first-class organization like Green Bay, that didnt occur. The thing that did occur was the pressure on the training staff to get players back from injuries.

Marijuana is something a lot of ex-players are increasingly outspoken about as something that can assist with pain relief. Whats your stance on that? And do you think its strange the league is still being so retrograde on this topic?

Absolutely, man. I think more than anything you should have an alcohol test instead of marijuana test. I think its bogus, man. I think marijuana is good for a guy thats [currently] in the NFL, and a guy like me. Ive got permanent nerve damage. Marijuana, for me, it helps me calm down, relax. I actually turn into a fucking normal person when I smoke marijuana. When Im not smoking, its not necessarily like Im in pain, but I feel like Im abnormal, Im not normal. But Ill go and smoke a little bowl of marijuana, I feel like Im normal to the world, I feel like Im equal, I feel like Im level now.

Was this true when you were playing, too, or was this something you discovered since your playing days?

Its something that I just really discovered after my playing days, my post-career. Obviously, I aint getting drug-tested no more, the NFL dont pay me. I just think it helps me, man. Not only in the NFL, I think it should become legal around the world, man.

The league is taking a very cynical approach to this at the moment. Do you ever see it coming around?

I think it will come. I think theyre going to have marijuana just for players, just for guys that play high-violence sports, theyre going to have something to treat them guys. I think it will happen, but I think it needs to happen a little faster.

What was it like getting out of the routine of being a player? As a player, for much of your life, you had everything scheduled, and then you transition into having nothing scheduled, and what are you supposed to do? How hard was that?

Aw, man. It was tough. It was tough for about a year or soa year and a half, Im going to give it a year and some change. Just because in the NFL, you get to the locker room, youve got the monitors on. Youve got TVs in every corner, and youre occupied from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m.12 hours out the day. You know what I mean? Youre occupied. And youre in this building where you really dont even see daylight until you practice for an hour and a half. Then you come out and you retire at 27, 28 years old, with money. So youre just trying to find a routine, so you may go have a drink. Its frustrating because youre not in a rush, especially if youre comfortable and you came out of the league very smart and wealthy, but it messes you up because you dont really have that consistent routine. And then the thing you struggle with after the league, you go out, you hang out, and [people ask], Who are you? Jermichael Finley. Its like, uh, what are you doing? Im retired. Retired at 28 years old? Now what are you doing? Thats the question that frustrates former players. I guarantee you.

Like youre supposed to step into a Wall Street job or whatever.

Aw, man. Absolutely. It kills me. I get that question probably five times per day. Im 30 years old. When did your career really jump off like when you were successful? You know what I mean? Thats the question in my post-career that frustrates you the most.

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Jermichael Finley Says Leaving Football Is Hard But Coming Back ... - Deadspin