The truth about guys and sex: They fake it, too

David, 28, was chronically faking his orgasms. His girlfriend hadnt caught on, but David decided to visit a specialist anyway.

Was his fakery underhanded? Hardly, says his doctor, Abraham Morgentaler, who runs a pioneering clinic for male sexual dysfunction, Mens Health Boston, and describes Davids predicament in his book Why Men Fake It: The Totally Unexpected Truth About Men and Sex. David, he explains, didnt want his girlfriend to feel sexually inadequate: In that light, his ruse was considerate and kind, writes Morgentaler.

This generous refrain men are noble, men just want to please women dominates the book, as Morgentaler bemoans the unrelenting portrayal of dudes as punchlines in pop culture and marketing, scorned by female authors whove proclaimed the end of men. Its a rough era for the male sex, says the author, associate clinical professor of urology at Harvard Medical School. What exactly does a man bring to the party for the modern woman who appears to have everything: career, money, independence, friends? Morgentaler spoke with The Globe from Brookline, Mass.

Do you believe that womens gains in equality contribute to sexual dysfunction in men?

[Facebook COO] Sheryl Sandberg pointed out that more women than men now graduate from high school, college, medical school and law school. The flip side of those advances is that men have lost out in some of the jobs that otherwise might have gone to them. Its naive to think that there isnt an impact on men. We now see so many relationships where the woman has got the more prestigious or better paying job. It does create a problem for men because its hard for them to know how theyre supposed to fit into a traditional male role. Sexually, what I see is that theres an enormous pressure for the men to be good in bed for the women, to be a provider at least in that arena.

Thats hard to believe.

Sexual, relationship and gender landscapes have changed dramatically. When I was a teenager, I remember this term of a woman doing her wifely duty. It was universally assumed that women didnt enjoy sex and that they submitted to it for the sake of their husband and the marriage. We had a whole generation of guys who grew up feeling they had to thank women for doing them a favour. Today, I see couples where the woman wants sex more than the guy. Some of the guys come in and even though they function normally, they almost feel like they have to do a husbandly duty: They need to keep up with the women.

What about this persistent idea that women are sexually complex while men are walking penises?

There are two slides that often get shown at the lectures of the societies I belong to. One is the female mind and sex. It shows a control board with a million gizmos, buttons, knobs and rheotstats. Then they show the male mind and sex and its just an on-off switch. Everybody laughs, and I laugh too.

But its not true. The idea that all men need is a stiff breeze to be ready for sex may be true for the 18-to-21-year-old, but once a guy has a job, children, responsibilities and grey hairs, libido is situational too. Theyre just as worried as women but theyre not talking about it. One of my patients was unable to have sex with his wife when he was in the city where hes always worried about work, the next day. As soon as he goes into the country on weekends, hes fine.

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The truth about guys and sex: They fake it, too