Women and impotence

Happy, health sex ... sexual difficulties can be treated. Photo: iStock

Many of the men I see come to me because they are experiencing erectile dysfunction problems. The men, who vary in age, had previously taken their ability to perform in the bedroom for granted and have trouble understanding why this is happening to them now.

A common cause of erectile dysfunction, in young men, is performance anxiety. They experience great fear every time they engage in sexual intercourse, especially if it is with a new partner. They terrify themselves with thoughts of: 'will I get hard enough', 'will I keep it up', 'how long will I last' and 'will she tell her friends?'

These are common performance anxiety thoughts, but they can cause men to lose their erections immediately. This, in turn, exacerbates their anxiety and leads to troublesome feelings of sadness, disappointment, guilt and shame.

The more this happens, the more these men lose their confidence. They may start avoiding sex or become so traumatised they stop having sex all together. This cycle often continues until it is addressed. To break the cycle, they first need to admit there is a problem.

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These men also need to be vulnerable and share the problem with their partner. At the same time, the partner needs to be understanding; guiding and supporting the man by letting him know he can relax, take his time and let things happen naturally. Unfortunately some women can be cruel, often without realising how hurtful it is, by telling their partners how well their formers lovers performed. This will only compound the problem.

It is also important to seek professional advice.

I always take a client's sexual history into account. If a list of possible causes are ruled out, it is often a performance anxiety issue. This can be successfully treated with counselling, practical sexual advice and reassurance.

Men need to know that occasional sexual difficulties are normal and can happen to any guy, young or old. Research shows that most healthy men occasionally experience erectile dysfunction or failure.

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Women and impotence