Five Guys a Week review why date just one? – The Guardian

Catharsis, any way you like Five Guys a Week. Photograph: Ryan Mcnamara/Channel 4

Five Guys a Week is back for a second series. For those of you who have not had the pleasure, the show follows a different woman every week as she bangs a quintet of eligible bachelors to find out which is the best at giving her a prolonged and inventive seeing to. No, not really thats just what the title wants you to think, you see!

Instead, what happens is that a lady (usually in her early to mid-30s, though occasionally vague memories of its public service remit will cross Channel 4s mind and theyll lob in someone who remembers decimalisation or the first Becky in Roseanne) looking for a long-term relationship invites five potential suitors into her home for a week. Every evening, she disinvites one of them for reasons ranging from the spurious to the entirely fair. Such are the vicissitudes of life and the human heart. Last seasons highlights included project coordinator Hope having to choose from five gingers, and salon owner Kellie narrowly avoiding being duped by simpleton-cum-Machiavel Barry (who, unless I misheard, thought steak marinaded in soy sauce smelled like a carps tit) and gat-toothed Amy, who was visibly aroused by the power of choice she commanded a Wife of Bath for our times.

The new series begins in Halifax with Tara and her guys. She is a 32-year-old business consultant who has been single since her last break-up seven years ago (and without knowing a thing about it, I blame him entirely and I bet her mother agrees with me. These shows are precision-engineered to call forth your inner judge, jury and executioner, and I respond in full measure. Resistance is futile and boring.)

Her would-be beaux are: Michael, former bricklayer, current oven cleaner and self-described Peter Pan who is ready to settle down now; Lou, who in his younger days wanted a Barbie-lookalike girlfriend but whose years have brought the realisation that Im not Ken. Im more like Postman Pat; Chris, a portrait photographer from Essex who loves the northern accent with a slightly disquieting fervour and also approves of the fact that theres less vegans up here; shopping centre manager Adam, who has cerebral palsy A good-looking disabled man is how Id describe myself bit of a niche market; and finally Kris, who spells his name Kris.

It is the perfect programme for troubled times, because the stakes are minimal. Tara may find the love of her life among the great, daft bunch of lads mucking about together in her front room. She may not. Its no more freighted than a normal date, and at least (I trust) the producers will have vetted the candidates for criminal records and outstanding warrants. Good or bad, everyone will survive.

Thus you are free to invest as much or as little energy and emotional resources in it as you have to spare. You can scream laughing, bite your nails to the quick with anxiety (you should have seen mine during the Kellie-Barry episode) or dehydrate yourself sobbing. Catharsis, any way you like.

No spoilers, but this first episode had a great ending. The final two suitors generally represent a competition between the ladys baser and higher needs, and this was no exception. In the end, justice was excellently and pleasingly done all round. In 2020, my friends, take your wins where you can.

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Five Guys a Week review why date just one? - The Guardian